so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
