So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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