just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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