He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
two words...techno handjob
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
