Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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