your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
