I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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