Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
