Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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