just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
worst night to have a conscience
bring money and cleavage
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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