Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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