My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Randomize
