They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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