Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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