Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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