You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
