I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
