That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Found your dick twin last night
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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