I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
