I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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