I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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