just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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