I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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