Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
