it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
