She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
