I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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