thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
