And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
