oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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