I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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