I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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