Grow some girl-balls and come out already
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I currently don't understand fingers.
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