I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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