chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
