he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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