i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
