I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
