I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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