Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
