If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
