Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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