I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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