Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
