OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
