They should really pass out barf bags in church
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
