i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
