every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
