I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
