DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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